Monday 21 October
Weather: Raining, funily enough…
Seven years ago today, my dear old dad keeled over and died. No warning, no serious illness. One minute he was here, the next he wasn’t.
This morning, I stood alone in the cemetery in the pouring rain. I was completely alone. Even the wildlife had stayed indoors. Alone in a grim place, for a grim reason, on a doubly grim day. Today had the potential to really bad day.
The loss of someone important is never easy for anyone, but the grim (apologies in advance for the over-use of the word grim, but it’s the perfect word to describe a ‘heavy weather day’ in an old industrial town in the north of England) reality is that we all die sooner or later.
It’s an unarguable fact, that everyone who has ever been born since the beginning of time will, at some point, die. No exemptions.
As I stood with the rain streaming down my face, something deep inside the darkest part of my soul stirred. A powerful feeling from my roots. But not a sad feeling, much to my surprise. A feeling that hasn’t graced my door for quite some time…
Today, in the middle of a grey cemetery, in torrential rain, two thoughts popped into my head. The first was the realisation that I really, really needed a waterproof coat.
The second thought was actually more of a feeling, but immeasurably more practical than the first. A super-quick fleeting feeling of hope found it’s way into my heart. A familiar, warm feeling that touched me to my very core.
Of course, the perfect end to this tale would have been that the rain stopped and the sun came out. But that’s not what happened. The rain continued relentlessly, but it was a good ending nonetheless…
Despite the pouring rain, it occurred to me that the kind of thinking that made me unwell, is definitely not the same kind of thinking that will help me to recover. That realisation alone gave me hope in my heart, if only for a fleeting moment.
That brief flicker of hope was enough to give me the energy to (a) force myself to go to the shop to buy a new coat and (b) make me resolve to spend a happy day on the same day next year.
The cycle path to the cemetery, truly did become the cycle path to happiness today and I know that dad, wherever he is, would be smiling right now…